literature

Fitzwilliam Hugh's Fantastical Contraption

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    Smoke billowed thickly into the dark sky from the oily mouth of a giant pipe. Gears ground together with loud creaks and groans. Metal struck metal violently when a thick, dirty wind blew.

    Giant factories, designed more like machines than buildings, clogged the landscape and made up the majority of the city of Marvelview.

    Grimy streets slithered among the factories, puddled with oily condensation and paved with bronze-colored cobblestone. People wandered along the streets, dressed in dreary shades of black and gray, huddled in on themselves, eyes fixed on the ground.

    In Marvelview, everything had a fine layer of grease. Every bit of metal was grimy and a bit corroded, from the panels on the factory walls to the spokes of the bikes the messengers rode through the crowds. Even the people seemed to be coated with a fine layer of grease from head to toe.
    The sky was perpetually cloudy, thanks to the smog of the factories. Marvelview was the major producer of pretty much every commodity in the known world, but the inhabitants never got to see, much less use, the things their hard work produced. In fact, most of the population lived in abject poverty.

    A shrill whistle screeched through the air, echoing all over the city. Swarms of bleary-eyed workers left their homes, tucked neatly among the monstrous metal structures. Behind many them came children of all ages, heading to school in smaller versions of the dark clothes their parents wore- namely long gray or black coats, heavy black boots, maybe the occasional dark hat. All of them trudged along with almost reluctant steps.

    A young girl, perhaps fifteen years of age, moved in a way that was notably different from the others around her. She had a spring to her step and a sparkle in her eye. Most notably, she wore a long knitted scarf striped with bright colors.
    She bounded along at a brisk pace, swerving among the morose crowd with the energy of a spring hare. Her long, wildly curly black hair was pulled back with a strip of rust-red fabric, and bounced against her back as she went. Her scarf was looped once around her neck, the loose ends waving behind her like a pair of long, misjointed arms.

    Savvy Gurst's boots clunked heavily on the cobblestones beneath her feet. Her satchel was flung over one shoulder, her schoolbooks beating her thigh. She didn't care about the satchel, her hand was on her scarf. She tried her best to stay away from the others on the street, but bumping into one or two was unavoidable. All she could do was keep a hold on her most precious possession.

    She blew through the crowd like a spring wind, then hopped up the metal grid stairs to the front door of one of the narrow, bleak houses just as a girl about her age was about to come out.

    Nadia Blax stopped with a yelp, then was pushed forward into her friend by the door slamming behind her.

    Savvy grabbed Nadia's hand and pulled her down the stairs, running along with the crowd.

    Nadia scrambled to keep up. “Savvy! What are we doing?”

    Savvy flashed a sunny smile over her shoulder. “Going to school!”

    Nadia caught her friend's elbow and dragged her to a stop. Once she'd halted Savvy's dash, she tugged her out of the way of the molasses-like crowd.

    She was about to demand an explanation when she was punched in the eyes by the bright colors around her friend's neck. “What is...”

    Savvy let out a squeal, positively beaming with joy. “Do you like it? I finally saved up enough to get the yarn! I was so excited I finished it in one night. My hands were shaking something terrible though!”

    Nadia touched the scarf reverently. “It's amazing. How long did you have to save up, again? Seems like you've been talking about this forever.”

    “Two and a half years, mostly for the blue, the green, and the yellow.”

    “Makes sense. The hardest colors to come by around here.” Nadia said with a resigned shrug.

    Savvy gave her an odd look. “Are you in one of your 'I-hate-life' moods again?”

    Nadia shook her head and lead her friend back out onto the street. “C'mon, let's go before someone tries to steal it.”

    - - -

    The school building was a re-purposed factory. It looked like a beat-up, yellowed cardboard box that had been rolled around in the street and stepped on a few times before it was propped up along the other buildings to get it out of the way. No one in the community, least of all the children who went there, really saw the place as something of benefit. The only ones who seemed to value the place at all were the handful of teachers who made their living there, and there were rumors that even they only cared about it because it kept them from a life in the dismal factories.

    Nadia and Savvy walked side by side in silence, not having anything in particular to talk about, enjoying the peaceful silence common between two people who know each other well and who are content to simply 'be'.

    Around them the other children chattered like raucous crows on a rooftop, swarming towards the school building. The school was crowded, since it housed all grades from kindergarten to high school. Neither of the girls was in a hurry to go inside.

    “Hey look,” Nadia said suddenly. “It's that weird new kid. What was his name again? Huge?”

    Savvy giggled. “I think it's Fitzwilliam or something like that. Hugh is his last name.”

    The object of their attention was a scrawny, tall boy with wildly curly, frizzy brown hair and big, watery hound-dog eyes hidden behind thick round glasses. His skin was so pale it seemed nearly translucent, except for his cheeks, which were always blushed red. He moved like a frightened rodent, his eyes always darting around on the lookout for danger, and he was always carrying armloads of books or rolled-up papers. At the moment he was carrying both, juggling two thick, old-looking books and three long tubes of rolled-up paper.

    Savvy tilted her head. “What do you think he does with all of that?”

    Nadia shrugged and looped her right arm around Savvy's left, pulling her along. “Who knows? Something weird probably. C'mon let's go.”

    Savvy pulled against her friend's dragging for a moment, but quickly relented with a carefree laugh.

- - -

    Once upon a time, school had been a place where kids spent the day learning about things like world history, science, art, and different languages. There was a break for something called 'recess', in addition to lunch, where the whole point was to run around and have fun. That sounded nice.

    After recess had been declared 'too dangerous', what with all that exercise, fun, and fresh air, the schools had undergone even more changes. Why should children be burdened with heavy schoolbags? The solution was simple- eliminate art classes and their heavy sketchbooks. Then went the music classes and those oppressive instruments.

    Later to go were the language classes, then world history. After all, once World War III ended, there was very little international travel. Why should children learn about different cultures when they would probably never leave Marvelview?

    Science went later, kicking and screaming, since the schools, slipping into poverty along with the rest of the area, could no longer afford to maintain labs. Marvelview didn't need scientists anyway- they needed factory workers.

    When all was said and done, all that was left were the math classes, shop classes, and a few others that were necessary for producing the factory workers Marvelview needed. All of that made for a rather dull school day for those who weren't interested in factory work, like most of the children.

    The only part of the day that the current school days had in common with the ancient ones was lunch. It was Nadia's favorite part of the day.

    Savvy and Nadia never ate in the poorly-lit, hot, noisy cafeteria. Like many other children they slipped outside to the sickly yellow, small yard and sat in the weak sunlight. The air wasn't much fresher than the air in the cafeteria, but at least it was cooler, and there was a breeze.

    The girls found a spot under a partially withered sapling beside one of the many brick paths. They settled down cross-legged and started poking at their food.

    “What kind of animal do you suppose this came from?” Nadia asked, poking at a lump of meat.

    Savvy crunched on another lump. “Uh...I dunno. Tastes like fish.”

    Nadia stared at her food. “Well, it's edible, right?”

    Savvy coughed. “Mostly.”

    Both girls laughed. They had basically the same conversation every day- it was pointless to try to decipher the school's 'nutritious' meals.

    Nadia glanced over her friend's shoulder. “Hey, look, it's Fitzwhatever.”

    Fitzwilliam Hugh was hurrying across the small yard, books in his arms, heading for the school library. His face was totally serious, his eyes focused on his destination and nothing else.

    His path would take him right in front of the girls. Nadia felt a flash of inspiration.

    Savvy had already lost interest, and had gone back to trying to eat. Fitzwilliam was almost there.

    Nadia casually stretched out her leg.

    Fitzwilliam, entirely focused on his mission, tripped over her. His books went flying and scattered everywhere, loose pages flying everywhere. His glasses flew off, his arms flew out. He landed on his face.

    Nadia quickly pulled her leg back in. Other children had seen Fitzwilliam's fall, and were laughing. The other children who saw the aftermath started laughing also. The boy looked remarkably like an uncoordinated deer, flailing about on the ground trying to get up.

    Savvy tossed her food aside and got up quickly, rushing to the boy's side.

    “Wow! Are you okay?” She gasped, helping him up.

    His cheeks flushed bright red, and he looked away. “Y-yeah, I'm fine...must've tripped on a stone or something...”

    “Guess so. Where are your glasses?”

    Fitzwilliam blinked a few times, touching his face as if he hadn't noticed his glasses were missing until Savvy just said it. “I-I don't know.”

    Savvy smiled reassuringly. “Don't worry, I'll help you find them.”

    Nadia frowned.

    Fitzwilliam felt the path around him while Savvy searched a bit farther. Eventually she found his glasses on the path several yards away.

    “Here you go.” She said cheerfully, handing them to him.

    “Th-thanks.” He slid the thick lenses back in front of his eyes and blinked a few times. “Um, I like your scarf.”

    Savvy smiled. “Thanks.”

    Now that he had his glasses on, the two of them started gathering up the stray pages of his books. Savvy managed to get Nadia to help, at which point she was glad that the other children had lost interest in the spectacle a while sooner.

     Savvy, holding several pages already, paused to pick up one more page, and then looked at it for a moment. “What's this?” She asked, turning it around so Fitzwilliam and Nadia could see.

    It was a sketch of a machine of some sort, and it looked remarkably like an old kind of creature Nadia had heard about. It took a moment to remember, but she was pretty sure it was called a 'dragon'.

    Fitzwilliam's cheeks flushed red again, and he took the page. “It's just a little project I've been working on.”

    Savvy came closer, trying to look at the page despite Fitzwilliam's attempt to hide it. “Doesn't look little to me- it looks giant! What're you making it for?”

    The boy, blushing more brightly than Nadia had ever seen anyone blush before, looked away. “It's going to help everyone, once I get it finished.”

    Savvy's eyes lit up with excitement. “Really? How? That's so cool! Are you done with it?”

    Fitzwilliam must have noticed her genuine excitement, because he relented a little and let her look at the paper. “Not quite. But I'm close. I just need a few more parts. But then it still needs a lot of work...”

    Nadia looked at her watch. It was almost time for classes to start again. She wondered if she should say something, or just take Savvy's arm and lead her away.

     “What's it going to do to help people?”

     Fitzwilliam looked up at the smog-filled sky and the pipes belching smoke into the air. “It'll clean up the air.”

     Savvy's eyes widened.

     Nadia grabbed her friend's arm. “Time for class, Sav. See you around, kid.”

     Savvy pulled back at first, but relented. “See you later! I hope your machine works!”

     The awkward boy seemed to make a sudden decision. “Meet me back here after school and I'll take you to see it!”

     The door slammed behind the girls, and Nadia herded her friend to their next class.

- - -

     After school, it was Savvy's turn to lead her friend against her will. They stood in the otherwise deserted yard while the sun went down, waiting for Fitzwilliam.

     “This is stupid. He's a weirdo.” Nadia grumbled.

    “Are you saying that because he wants to make a machine to clean the air?”

    “Other people have tried to make things like that, Savvy. He's no different from those weirdos. You aren't really going to follow him, are you?”

    Savvy shrugged and looked away. “That's what I have you with me for, to protect me from weirdos.”

     Nadia frowned.

    Fitzwilliam appeared rather suddenly, walking out of one of the buildings, carrying his books once more. He looked surprised to see the girls waiting there. “You waited?”

    Savvy smiled. “Of course! Are you really going to show us the machine?”

    “Oh, um, of course. I just wasn't expecting you to really want to see it.” He juggled his books into one arm, and pushed his glasses farther up his long nose. “Follow me.”



    The girls followed him down long, deserted streets lit by rusty streetlights. Nadia began to worry that they'd lose their way, but then Fitzwilliam turned and walked between two houses. Following him, they came upon a tiny trail through one of the city's many junkyards.

    The group wound through the path, between mountains of metal scraps in various states of decomposition. The barking of the dogs kept in the yard echoed through the night, but never got any closer. Savvy walked close to Nadia, and they tried to stay close to their guide.

    The path turned suddenly around a pile of rusted bicycles, and behind them was a forgotten warehouse.

    The walls were of rusted steel, and the roof was of browned tin. The door leaned against the entrance, no longer actually attached but bonded by rust. There were several holes in the walls, and when Fitzwilliam kicked a piece of broken steel out of the doorway, several birds were startled out of their roosts in the roof.

    He walked in, then looked back at the girls. He smiled a little. “C'mon, it's safe.”

    Savvy broke away from Nadia and darted inside behind him. Nadia followed more reluctantly, and immediately bumped into her friend.

    Savvy was staring up at something, her mouth open in shock. Nadia followed her gaze, and was stunned as well.

    The contraption was massive, shaped like a resting dragon, as tall as four of the little houses the girls lived in, and as long as the entire school. It's metal paws were folded neatly in front of it. It was pieced together from salvaged metal, which gave it a patched look, like an old quilt made by a slightly mad old woman. It bristled with metal spikes and scales. It had big, empty eyes, focused on nothing, staring ahead. Its head and feet were less patched-looking than the rest, and gleamed coppery gold. Its jaws were endowed with long, dangerous-looking fangs and hung open like the monster was copying the girls' expressions. Its wings were almost as long as the rest of it, and were folded against it's body.

    Fitzwilliam put his books down on a nearby workbench, which was already heaped with papers and books. “What do you think?” He asked nervously, his voice echoing in the warehouse.

    Savvy recovered quickly. “Why does it have fangs? And those spikes?”

    Fitzwilliam cleared his throat. “Mostly just for decoration. I wanted it to look tough. If I told people that a robotic rabbit would solve the air problem, they'd just laugh at me. Now it looks like it might be able to solve some problems.” He blushed. “I think.”

    Savvy looked back at the dragon. “I guess so. What do you have left to do? It looks pretty finished to me.”

    The boy nodded at a panel in the dragon's chest. A metal door was open, revealing hordes of gears and belts. “It's mostly internal stuff I have to finish now.”

    “Oh. So when do you think you'll finish it?”

    “Maybe by Spring.”

    Savvy looked disappointed. “That long?”

    Fitzwilliam blushed and looked at the floor with a shrug. “Well yeah. It's just me, after all.”

    Savvy looked thoughtful for a moment. Nadia's eyes widened and she desperately hoped her friend wouldn't say what she was sure that silly girl was about to.

    “What if you had help?”

    Fitzwilliam looked surprised. “Er...if I had two more people, I could probably finish a month or two earlier...”

    Nadia glared at Savvy. “And what if you only had one more?”

    Savvy frowned.

    “Well, if I only had one, it would still take almost until Spring, probably. I'm not really sure about any of this to be honest- I'm just guessing.”

    “I'll help you, if you want.” Savvy said, smiling at Fitzwilliam.

    Nadia scowled and crossed her arms.

    “R-really?”

    “Yeah! I mean, if you want. I don't want to get in your way or anything.”

    Fitzwilliam blushed, but actually managed to make eye contact with Savvy. “No, you wouldn't be in my way. It'd be nice to have someone else around for a change.”

- - -

    Savvy couldn't understand why her friend was so opposed to her helping Fitzwilliam with his machine. It was supposed to help people, wasn't it? And Nadia always talked about how the world would be so much better if everyone just helped one another. Was that just talk?

    For the next several weeks, Nadia continued to accompany Savvy to the warehouse, but refused to actually help build the machine. She would sit somewhere out of the way and read, or just watch the other two work while she scowled.

    Every day after school Savvy would spend a couple of hours helping that boy add and oil gears, joints, and belts. She learned how to work tools she'd never before heard of. Fitzwilliam stopped blushing so much when he glanced at her, and could even look her in the face when he talked to her. The machine began to take shape, and Savvy worked at the warehouse later and later.

    One night, Savvy and Fitzwilliam were working on the dragon's jaws, splattered with oil from head to toe. They were rather exhausted, and Savvy mentioned she'd saved some rolls from lunch that day. After she retrieved them from her schoolbag, the two of them sat on the dragon's head and enjoyed their snack.

    They ate in silence for a while, but then Fitzwilliam broke the silence.

    “Nadia doesn't like me.”

    Savvy chewed her mouthful of cold bread slowly. “Well, she can be kind of...difficult. I think she thinks she's a whole lot more subtle than she really is.” She swallowed. “It's not you, is what I'm saying.”

    “What is she so opposed to about me?”

    “I think it's because you have imagination.” Savvy glanced down to make sure the other girl was where she had been for the last hour- napping in a chair. “She doesn't have much herself, except for when she's thinking about worst case scenarios.” She blushed. “But don't tell anyone that.”

    Fitzwilliam nodded slowly.

    There was another comfortable silence.

    “Hey, I have a question.” Savvy said thoughtfully.

    “Hm?”

    Savvy brushed bread crumbs off of her lap, and they tumbled all the way to the warehouse floor. “All the time I've been helping you, I haven't seen what's going to make this thing work. There's no motor or anything.”

    Fitzwilliam smiled. “You've seen that little box in the middle, right? The one with all the tubes coming out?”

    “Yeah...don't tell me that's the motor.”

    “Remember that promise I made you make when you started helping me?”

    Savvy nodded. “To always think happy thoughts while we're working?”

    “That's it. Well, that's because of that box.”

    Savvy titled her head, frowning slightly.

    Fitzwilliam, finished with his roll, leaned back a little and looked up at the rusted roof of the warehouse. “It's called an Intention Drive. It runs on intentions.”

    “Intentions?”

    “Yep. That's why it's going to want to clean up the air. It'll absorb our happy thoughts and good intentions while we work, and then when I start it up it'll feel bad about the smog and want to clean it up like anyone else. The only difference will be that he'll actually be able to do something about it.”

    “Those big fans?” Savvy asked, referring to the giant fans they'd installed in the dragon's belly.

    “Yep. When the dragon flies, those fans will turn and suck the air in. Then the filters will catch everything nasty.”

    Savvy smiled and rested her hand on the dragon's head. “Wow.”

    “Do you want to keep working, or call it a night?”

    Glancing up at the dark sky through the hole in the warehouse roof, Savvy shrugged. “We can work for a little while longer.”

- - -

    Nadia was sure that she'd never been angrier in all of her life. Savvy hadn't even bothered to wait for her after school, just headed to the warehouse with Fitzwilliam. How dare she abandon her?

    She stormed down the streets to the warehouse, barging in. The two of them were already working on the machine, inside it's works, talking and laughing. Nadia sat down heavily in her usual chair, which had been moved out of the way, and was now right beside the creature's left forepaw.

    The metal had been shined recently, and Nadia could see her own reflection glaring back at her.

    The last month and a half had been infuriating. Her best friend was hardly around anymore. She even ate lunch in the library with that boy.  Didn't she care about her anymore? Of course not. Nadia had been totally forgotten.

    Angrier than ever before, Nadia punched the metal reflection. She did nothing but hurt her hand, but the outburst helped a little. She punched it again, and kicked it, and threw an empty oil can across the warehouse.

    Savvy's head poked out of the open hatch in the machine's stomach. “Nadia? What are you doing?”

    “Nothing. Nothing at all.” And she sat down with a huff.

    After Savvy disappeared back into the machine, Nadia glared at her reflection again. Then she sighed, and rested her head against the cold metal. She closed her eyes and thought about how much fun she and Savvy had had as friends all those past years. She thought about their laughing together, their inside jokes, and all the times they walked to school together.
   
    Then she heard that boy say something to Savvy.

    Scowling, her eyes still closed, Nadia began to think about him. How odd he was, how awkward, how infuriating. He'd just swooped in and taken her best friend away. Who did he think he was? Just another weirdo who thought he could change the world. He was probably waiting for just the right time, and he'd do something to Savvy. She was sure of it. But would she listen to her? No, of course not! Savvy was such a silly, hopeless little girl.

    The metal beneath Nadia had grown warm, and so she moved to a cooler space.

    Savvy was nuts if she thought Nadia hadn't noticed those dumb looks she gave that boy. And then Nadia had to listen to how creative the little snot was, how smart, and how he snorted if he got laughing hard enough, and how adorable that was.

    That spot on the metal heated up twice as quickly as the first one had. Nadia moved again.

    He looked at her funny too. Whenever she wasn't looking he'd glance up at her and smile a little. It was disgusting. All of it was. This whole rotten situation was nauseating.
    Nadia was fuming. But she stayed silent, and moved whenever the metal grew too warm on her skin.


    Savvy tugged on a gear to make sure it was secure in its place. Satisfied, she turned to ask Fitzwilliam what he thought. But, when she saw him, he was staring in surprise at one of the tubes coming off of the Intention Drive.

    “What's wrong?” She asked, wiping her hands on her pants.

    He was silent for a moment, then shook his head. “One of the tubes just sparked.”

    Savvy frowned. “Is that bad?”

    He shrugged. “Not really. But it means the Drive is pretty well-powered. We might have to hurry up and get the dragon going sooner.”

    “It has that much power already?”

    “I guess we're thinking a lot of good thoughts.” He smiled.

- - -

    The rest of that month, Nadia leaned against the dragon's foot and thought miserable thoughts while Savvy and Fitzwilliam worked. She barely listened when Savvy told her, on the way home one night, that the machine already had so much power that they could start it up soon.

    “Savvy?” Nadia asked after her friend had been silent for a while.

    “Yeah?” Savvy said with a smile. She smiled even more than usual lately. And she always wore her scarf, unless she was working on the machine.

    “I'm not going to go to the warehouse anymore. I'm just in the way.”

    Savvy's smile disappeared, but she didn't protest. She looked away, biting her lower lip. “Okay. If you don't want to be there, I understand.”

     Resentment burned even stronger in the pit of Nadia's stomach. Savvy didn't even try to get her to keep going to the warehouse. Of course not, she had probably started wishing for Nadia to stay home after the third day.

    Neither girl said anything. They just kept walking in silence.

    Nadia walked up the steps to her house. Savvy waited at the bottom quietly.

    “We're starting it up tomorrow.” She said softly.

    Nadia paused. “Fine. Have fun.”

    Savvy stood there a moment longer after Nadia closed her door, then slowly walked away.

- - -

    “Ready?” Fitzwilliam asked joyfully. He stood on a makeshift scaffolding beside the dragon's head. He held a handful of rags in one hand and a lighter in the other.

    Savvy, all the way on the ground, smiled. “Ready!”

    The boy smiled and lit the lighter, then set the greasy rags on fire. Before he could be burned he tossed the bundle into the dragon's mouth.

    He watched the light from the fiery bundle disappear down the machine's cavernous throat until it disappeared in darkness. There was a pause, then a loud snap, and a drawn-out hiss.

    Fitzwilliam quickly climbed down the scaffolding and ran over to stand beside Savvy.

    The machine was creaking and groaning, a bit of smoke rising from its mouth. Then there was a heavy clang, and the machine began to rise to its feet. It's jaw closed with a snap, and it's eyes lit up slowly, shining bright white.

    “It's working!” Savvy squealed.

    Fitzwilliam laughed and hugged her. “I'm so glad you helped with it! This was something I was starting to think would never-”

    The machine groaned, the eyes darkened again, and the machine fell back into its resting position with a crash that shook the ground.

    Both of them turned to look at the dragon in disbelief.

    “What happened?” Savvy asked.

    Fitzwilliam stared for a moment, then sighed. “I guess it doesn't have quite enough power yet. The Intention Drive didn't have the energy to keep it going.”

    “What does that mean?”

    “We'll have to work on it some more, it needs more good intentions to get the Intention Drive powered up enough.”

    Savvy looked at the machine and sighed. “Okay. Where do we start?” She yawned.

    Fitzwilliam glanced at her and sighed. “The Intention Drive. If we're closer it'll absorb easier.” He stretched. “But it'll have to wait for tomorrow.”

    “No! We're so close, can't we just stay here for a little while longer?” Savvy asked urgently, gesturing at the dragon urgently.

    Her friend sighed, wiping at the grease on his face. He stared at the dragon for a while, and then shrugged. “Fine. Just a little longer.”

- - -

     Nadia was at home, working on her homework and trying not to picture Savvy at the warehouse with that boy, when there came a knock on the front door.

    It turned out to be Savvy's mother, asking if her daughter was there. When Nadia's mother told her that she wasn't, she sighed and said that Savvy was supposed to have been home an hour ago. She knew that her daughter had made friends with a boy at school and was helping him with some sort of project, but she had always been home on time before. She was afraid something had happened.

    Nadia stayed in her room through the entire conversation, listening and clinging to her pencil angrily. What was Savvy up to now? She'd probably gotten so wrapped up, staring into her boyfriend's eyes, that she had lost track of time.

    But still, there was a little part of her that was nervous. She'd always thought that boy was weird...what if he'd finally done something to Savvy since Nadia wasn't there?
    She felt a twinge of guilt.

    “Nadia!” Her mother called up the stairs. “Come down here please!”

    A half hour later, close to midnight, Nadia was walking towards the warehouse she'd sworn to never visit again.

    - - -

    The lights in the warehouse were on when Nadia approached it, but it was totally silent inside.

    She walked in and looked around. The two friends were nowhere to be found. Tools were lying everywhere. Boxes were lying on the floor. It looked like an earthquake had struck the place. The only place in the warehouse that was actually clean was the floor right beside the dragon's feet, like it had been shoved slightly to the side.

    Nadia stared. Had the dragon actually moved? Had they actually gotten it to work?

    “Savvy?” She called. Her voice echoed in the silent warehouse.

    A mumble came from behind a pile of boxes at the back of the warehouse. Nadia rushed over.

    “Savvy?”

    Fitzwilliam was sitting on the floor, leaning against a box, asleep. Savvy sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder, one arm looped around his.

    Nadia felt a fresh flare of anger. Her best friend, the girl who'd been like her sister since they were five years old, had abandoned her for this boy. And here they were, sleeping like they hadn't a single care in the world.

    She didn't bother waking them up. She stormed back to the front of the warehouse, then paused in the doorway. She looked back.

    That stupid contraption. That monster. If it wasn't for that machine, Savvy would still be her friend. She'd never have followed that boy to his warehouse if she hadn't found that page. And she wouldn't have found that page...if Nadia hadn't tripped the boy.

    Furious, she grabbed one of the discarded tools and threw it at the dragon. Then she grabbed some more, and threw them also. Each one left a little dent in the metal body of the monster.

    Nadia ran out of nearby tools to throw, so she ran over to its foot and began kicking it. She kicked and punched and then climbed up onto it and jumped up and down. She hardly left a mark.

    She crouched down on the dragon's foot, the metal growing hot beneath her hands and knees. She put her face to the nearly burning hot metal and screamed into it. The sound was muffled by the metal and her hands. Still, beneath her the metal became even hotter.

    Suddenly, from the depths of the machine, came a snap, then a drawn-out hiss.

    Nadia sat up, surprised.

    The machine groaned and creaked. Its eyes lit up, burning red like embers. Its jaw snapped shut. It looked down at Nadia.

    She felt her anger returning, even stronger than before, suddenly intensified as she stared at the dragon and her hands grabbed at the metal.

    If her best friend could abandon her, who else would leave her now? She'd be left alone forever, because other people were incredibly selfish and just didn't care.

    Her hands were resting on the metal. The metal was still growing hotter, but she didn't feel it.

    The world was a terrible, ugly place of smog and grease and betrayal.

    The monster growled.

    She had never done anything to deserve the life she had. She hadn't asked to be born in Marvelview. Why was she being punished for it? She might as well just jump off a cliff!

    The dragon snorted.

    No, wait. Why should she suffer? She was angry because of the world around her. The other people were the ones who should be suffering. All of them.

    The dragon began to rise. In the back of the warehouse, Fitzwilliam and Savvy were jolted awake.

    It was Marvelview and everyone in it that had ruined her life so far. The city and all it's inhabitants were rotten to the core.

    Nadia, heart and mind filled with hate, looked up at the dragon.

    The monster's burning-ember eyes were brighter than ever. The metal of its foot where Nadia crouched was red-hot.

    Nadia looked over her shoulder, through the warehouse's open door and the rotted holes in it's wretched walls, and sneered at the city.

    The dragon snorted once more, and smoke billowed into the air.

    The girl on it's foot turned around, hands never leaving its metal skin, and smiled to herself, suddenly content. In her mind's eye, she saw the city in ruins, destroyed overnight. Abandoned. Massacred.

    The dragon spread its wings.
((Alternate title: Good Intentions))

:iconveryshockedplz: It's finally done. Kinda.

My entry for round one of :iconwriters--club:'s writing tournament. The prompt was 'Imminent Menace'. I'm not good with suspense, so I thought I'd try something else. Thus, my first steampunk story. :la:

I haven't had a whole lot of time for writing (or much else) since starting my new job, but I love the writing tournaments, so I made myself write yesterday on my day off. I got pretty tired about halfway through, so if it stops making sense at some point, that's probably why.

Yay for giant robots. Woo for steampunk. Blah for working.

I feel like this isn't quite up to par. But I want to get it online so I don't miss the deadline. Critiques would be awesome.

Some questions I'd like answered if you feel so inclined:

1. How's the pacing? Too fast?

2. Should I spend more time early in the story setting up Savvy and Nadia's relationship?

3. Does the ending have enough 'umph'?

Fun sidenote: Fitzwilliam is the name I gave to the inflatable orca for my pool. :dummy:
© 2013 - 2024 Redfeathyrs
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TheMoorMaiden's avatar
I finally found the time to read this! :dummy: I'm sorry it's taken me so long, uni work really piles up. :no:

Anyway, I really enjoyed this; it was great to see some steampunk, and I actually thought there was something kind of dystopian about it, particularly when you talked about the lessons being taken out of the schools and children only being taught how to work in the factories. I think you could expand on this idea further; maybe you could write some more stories set in Marvelview (before Nadia and the contraption massacre it of course ;)) and write some stories about different characters who struggle with the town and their inevitable way of life.

I love the line: Her scarf was looped once around her neck, the loose ends waving behind her like a pair of long, misjointed arms. It was a great image, and I can picture it really clearly. :D Though I think it should be 'disjointed' rather than 'misjointed'. I'd have liked to have known a little more about Savvy and her scarf; you mention that the colours were hard to come by but I'd love to know more. You set up a little window into a world that really interested me. :D

I think you could add a little more near the beginning of the piece about Savvy and Nadia, but I don't think it's vital; you make it pretty clear that the two of them are best friends. The only thing I'd be careful with is making sure Nadia doesn't come across as too much of a bully. If that's how you wanted to portray her then that's fine and you did it wonderfully, but if you wanted your readers to empathise with her you might want to change her a little bit; maybe she trips Fitzwilliam up by accident rather than on purpose? That seems like quite a vindictive thing to do and if you don't want her to seem vindictive that's a problem, but if you do want her to come across as a bit of a bully then you can just ignore everything I've said. :P

I loved Savvy and Fitzwilliam's names :la: and their relationship was lovely, I'd have liked to have seen a little more of that before the piece ends. You leave it rather open as to whether they are just friends or whether the two actually like each other, and I think it'd be really nice to have a little scenelet in there to tell us what they are. Are they just friends or are they a little something more? ;)

Also just be careful with your 'its' and your 'it's' throughout the piece as they're sometimes a little confused, but that's something which can be easily fixed. :aww:

All in all I really enjoyed this piece and I thought the ending was pretty damn good; I love that last line. :D Well done, dear!